just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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