peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
