That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
