I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
