i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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