i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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