Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
