wrigley field is MILF paradise
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
