he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
