my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
