you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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