What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
