Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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