Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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