with your own penis?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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