Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
