Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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