I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
