and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
only you would photoshop your dick
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
