Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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