I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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