It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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