I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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