Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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