Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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