Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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