At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
