ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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