Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
