theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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