i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet