I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.