I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever