if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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