Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
