He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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