Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
