I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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