She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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