Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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