i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
