What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
