I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm too high and old for this...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
