The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
