Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
