I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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