i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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