I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
