Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
