david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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