Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
