Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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