Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
