piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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