My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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