We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
