just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How naked do you want me to be?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
