btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i think my cat just said my name.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
