You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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