bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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