Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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