he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
