so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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