the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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