bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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