remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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