Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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