A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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