She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can I color on your dick again?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
