genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
