I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
