My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
