DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
