The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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