all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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