You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
