True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
