I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
